I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
