Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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