So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
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It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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