Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
