Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
