a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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