Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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