now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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