as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
