youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
