The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
