I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
