Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
