If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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