I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
