life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize