Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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