you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize