Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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