I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
