do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
