He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
