I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
