Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
