Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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