forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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