too bad you live with your parents still
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
