Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
