i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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