I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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