you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
