Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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