I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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