i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
