I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
