You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
