Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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