Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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