I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize