the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
