It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
