i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
