In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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