P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
