dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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