Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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