Are we in a gay sports bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize