Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making