Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo