I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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