Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
