Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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